‘Frightened all the time’ – Teen’s experience growing up in violent home

A teenager has shared her experience of living in fear of her violent stepfather while growing up in a domestic abuse household.
The 19-year-old, who is being kept anonymous for her safety, says she experienced domestic violence for nine years, during which time her stepfather would be physically violent towards her and her sibling, as well as her mother.
They fled to a safe house when she was a young teenager and have now relocated to a different part of the country.
She said: “To anyone else, he seemed like the perfect guy, he had a way with words and he was like everyone’s best friend. Everyone loved him, but behind the closed doors, he was horrible.
“We were frightened all the time. When mum would go out to see a friend we’d actually beg her to not go, because we were too frightened to be left with him alone in the house.
“We couldn’t move, we couldn’t breathe, we couldn’t play with our toys. We just had to sit there and not move an inch. Otherwise something would happen to us.
“He’d drag us up the stairs by an arm, there’s been times I’ve been screaming let go, telling him you’re going to pull my arm off.
“I’d have bruises and scrapes and all things like that from where I’d been dragged. And then he would just say it was just because (I) was a naughty child.
“We were always too scared to do anything, and most of the time me and my sibling spent in our bedroom. If he was home, we didn’t really come out. We’d just stay up there.
“When he was out the house, we’d go downstairs, we’d have a play, but as soon as he was home, we were in that room all the time.
“We didn’t have much of a social life other than going to primary school, and we didn’t really go out with our friends much.
“We were just confined to the bedroom because we were too frightened to be confronted with him. So we just thought if we hid away, we’d be a little bit safer.”
She says since getting help and being listened to, she has been able to thrive and she is now studying at college and even plans to write a book about her experience.
“As a child I was always classed as the naughty child because I’d act up. It affected my relationship with my mum because I became quite horrible. I was always arguing.
“It just affected that relationship. And now that we’re out of it, I feel like I’ve got my best friend back.
“But since moving and getting over it, and going to court and things like that, I’ve really blossomed.
“I’ve become a lovely person. I’m friends with everyone and I’m doing really well, and I just feel like I’ve managed to prove something.
“After all of what I’ve gone through, I’ve managed to prove people wrong, I wasn’t just a naughty child.
“I wasn’t just acting out, I did care, and I can make something of myself.”
She and her mother were given support by the charity FearFree, which supports people dealing with domestic abuse, sexual violence and stalking.
If you or somebody you know is affected by domestic abuse, FearFree is available to help in the South West.
You can contact their Wiltshire support line on 01225 775276 or their Devon support centre on 0345 155 1074.
Other resources available include: